Issues Affecting Teen Girls

Issues that Affect Teen Girls

 

There are 10 common issues that affect teen girls everyday lives, they are:

·         Appearance

·         Education

·         Dating/Sex

·         Self Esteem

·         Peer Pressure

·         Bullying

·         Friendship

·         Drug and Alcohol use

·         Depression

·         Menstruation

In today’s Blog I’ll address a few of these issues that I feel are taking center stage in the lives of our teen girls.

Young girls today are under immense pressure to be ALL THAT. To be the prettiest, to have all the boys liking them, to have the longest hair, the best body and getting the most likes on social media. Between social media, reality shows and images they see of models in magazines no wonder they have issues navigating through their teenage years. Listed above are 10 common issues that teen girls face, I will speak on a few of them that I deem super important.

Appearance has a huge impact on how teen girls look at themselves. They see their favorite pop artist or reality TV star and they want to look just like them. From the long hair (often times it’s weave or wigs), big butts, tight fitting clothes, too much makeup and don’t forget the fake eyelashes. They feel they have to look like them in order to be popular or be liked by boys. This plays a huge role in their Self-Esteem which can be damaged trying to live up to this standard or it could help them explore and try different looks that will help shape their outer image. Now don’t get me wrong, wearing weave and makeup and wanting to look your best is absolutely fine, it’s when too much emphasis is put on this area and it affects other areas in her life negatively i.e unwanted attention by the opposite sex, focus taken off grades and her future as well as friends.

Dating/Sex is another common issue that young teens face. At this crucial stage in their life their hormones are raging and they are coming into their womanhood. Boys that once got on their nerves are now growing up to be somewhat attractive to them. They also look at their favorite teen celebrities like Kylie Jenner and Selena Gomez and see that they are dating and dating older men and they feel as if they can do it as well. At this stage in their lives parents like me would rather our teen girls concentrate on their education, building solid friendships and looking forward to their future; but Peer Pressure will have them emulating their friends and what they see on TV and in the magazines/tabloids. That’s why it is important that teens build solid healthy Friendships during this time, because peer pressure is so serious you want to make sure that your teen is hanging around girls that are respectful to their parent and themselves. Girls interested in getting good grades and participating in after school activities as well as activities outside of school to keep the busy and not focused on the wrong things.

Where dating gets scary for teens is that there is a rise in teen dating domestic violence which can lead to Depression, Drug and Alcohol abuse and teen pregnancy. Here are just a few important facts:

·         Roughly 1.5 million high school boys and girls in the U.S. admit to being intentionally hit or physically harmed in the last year by someone they are romantically involved with (Dating Abuse Statistics." www.loveisrespect.org). 

·         1 in 3 young people will be in an abusive or unhealthy relationship (Liz Claiborne Inc and The Family Fund. “Teen Dating Abuse 2009 Key Topline Findings.” http://nomore.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/teen_dating_abuse).

·         In the U.S., 25% of high school girls have been abused physically or sexually. Teen girls who are abused this way are 6 times more likely to become pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted infection (STI) (Decker M, Silverman J, Raj A. 2005. Dating Violence and Sexually Transmitted Disease/HIV Testing and Diagnosis Among Adolescent Females. Pediatrics. 116: 272-276).

·         Teens who suffer dating abuse are subject to long-term consequences like alcoholism, eating disorders, promiscuity, thoughts of suicide, and violent behavior (USA.gov. "Teen Dating Violence." Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Accessed April 22, 2014).

These are all scary stats and facts that our teen girls are facing while trying to find their way through their teen years. In facing these issues our girls will need healthy relationships with other girls, with female family members and mentors that can guide them through as well as be there when advice is needed. We will need to be there not to judge their actions but to help them make good decisions that will affect the rest of their lives.

We have to let them know that they are beautiful without the superficial additives that society says is needed to be popular, successful and loved. That they are beautiful just the way God made them, that their outer beauty is nice but inner beauty, morals and character are just as important if not more.  We have to teach them that they have to love themselves first, that they have to be a priority to themselves before they can be loved and respected by anyone else.

Lastly they need to know that the only opinion that matters is theirs because at the end of the day they have to look in the mirror and be happy with the person they see.

Sincerely from a woman that suffered from most of these issues.

 

Lost Girls

Recent conversation has been of Robert Kelly aka R Kelly on the Soul Train awards that aired last Sunday night. I didn’t get to see his performance but from what I gather he performed a medley of backyard, bar b que jams that had everyone on their feet reminiscing.

I read several Facebook post condemning the people that enjoyed his performance, calling him a pedophile (which he is), a pervert and pure scum. The posters stated that if we (people in general) like and jam to R Kelly’s music then we are cosigning his pedophilia behavior.

It was said that R Kelly had molested/sexually violated more than a dozen young girls ranging in age from 13-16 years old (now to be fair in writing this piece said girls did consent to sexual activity with R Kelly but due to they were not at a legal age to consent, their consent is null and void. Plus R Kelly should have known better due to he was the adult). He had relationships with these girls, some lasted 1-2 years some were just sexual hookups. Some of the parents of these girls knew about the relationships and some even took money and gifts for their silence in the matter. With all that being said R Kelly when brought up on charges of child pornography was acquitted of said charges on June 13, 2008.

In talking about this whole situation I would like to focus on the girls, the lost girls of this horrible ordeal. Outside of R Kelly being a celebrity, a grown man/adult celebrity what would make a 13, 14 or even 15 year old girl engage in sexual activity with him or any other grown adult male? It is said that children are most vulnerable to sexual abuse between the ages of 7-13 years. We also know that lack of attention at home can be a contributing factor in these young girls seeking the approval and adoration of boys and men. I also recognize that older boys and men tend to prey on young girls that have low self-esteem, girls that have issues at home and girls that don’t have loving fathers or men present in their life.

I read in various post regarding the victims of R Kelly that they were fast/promiscuous and that they knew what they were doing in dealing with R Kelly (him being a grown man) because they lied about their age. That very well may be true but the one thing that that statement is missing is that these young girls lack the emotional intelligence to know that they are being used, taken advantage of. They don’t understand that this so called relationship/sexual encounter is based on a quid pro quo, you do something for me, sex and I’ll do something for you, in the R Kelly case it consisted of buying tennis shoes, giving them money and spending time with him.

We teach our young girls that sex before marriage is bad, a sin. We teach them that their worth is not in their body but in their brains but yet in still they continue to find their worth in the attention of the opposite sex. It’s not enough that mothers, aunts and family tells these girls to wait, don’t be so quick to grow up, enjoy your adolescence. Now days love ones have to compete with peer pressure, the likes of reality TV where most of the women are dressed provocatively, heads full of weave, fake inflated behinds and the women fighting over men. That’s what we as loving parents and family members have to compete with when trying to raise and nurture confident, self-loving young girls.  I believe we have to get back to the village mentality when it comes to raising our children. We need more mentors for our young girls, whether they are in our click of women that we associate with, our sorority or whatever the case may be. It is imperative that we snatch up a young woman that we see in need and rescue her from the ills that society and lack of love and attention has dealt her. We have to put these girls on the right path and show them that they are so much than sex, they are valuable and they are worth loving.

I speak so passionately about this subject because I was once a lost girl and I am thankful that there were women that didn’t give up on me and decided that I was worth saving.

Service to Others

Proverbs 11:25 The liberal soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself.

It is such a joy when you can give of your time, energy and possessions. I feel that I have been blessed beyond measure and as far as I'm concerned it only makes sense.

The above scripture states in laymen terms that God blesses those who give freely possessions, time and energy. When we give God supplies us with more to give hence "the liberal soul shall be made fat". Our possessions are given to us to help others, when we give we are no more slaves to them.

We are entering the season where this scripture hits home for a lot of people. We are in the giving season, most of us understand that we have been blessed beyond what we could have imagined and it's only fitting that we give and help the unfortunate. People that have hit hard times, a father that is working a couple jobs trying to make ends meet, a mother working and attending school, trying to make a better life for her and her children, a senior citizen that has come close to the end of his/her social security check and it's not even the end of the month yet.

This is why we give, to assist those that need that extra help.

Whether that extra help is mentoring, tutoring or just supplying that listening ear, service to others should be one of our top priorities. So while you're out shopping this holiday season, try to be a service to someone in need. It will do your heart and soul good.

Happy Holidays All

The Specials Ladies In My Life

Happy New Year’s ladies......

As I start this public journey of Encouraging and Empowering young girls and women....and some old. I sit back and think of all the women that have Encouraged and Empowered me along the way. The special women in my life......family, friends and Facebook friends alike have touched my life in some shape form or fashion. Your family of course are always the ones that make an impression on you, they try to give you advice and direction and hopefully you end up in the place that they dreamed for you. But strangers or nonfamily well a lot of times they don't know how much they have touched your life until you let them know. Well here I go, I want to let all the women in my life know how they have touched my life in whatever type of way....big or small.

 Aunt Millie, Aunt Tiya they were always there for me, when some had given up on me they never did. They never judged me for my mistakes; they always showed me love and taught me how to take care of myself and my babies. I will always be indebted to them for that, they loved me when I didn't love myself. They took care of me and my child when others should have....family isn't always biological. Aunt Velora, she has been a Godsend for me, she has always shown me how to be a lady, how to beautiful and classy all at the same time. She too never judged me...when others did and she continues to do so till this day. She has shown me that you can love God, love others as well as yourself while doing his work. She is that virtuous women to me.

 My girlfriends have been like sisters to me, we have laughed, cut up, cried and disagreed all at the same time. All while being sister friends.....for instance Yolanda, I absolutely love how she handles her business all while being free and loving life. She knows how to let down her hair and have a good time but when duty calls, she’s all about business. She takes care of everyone around her and asks for nothing in exchange. She is classy and beautiful, crazy and fun, she loves the Lord and it shows in how she takes care of everything and everyone……no questions asked. That's what I love about her. She surrounds herself with confident, beautiful, smart, classy women and it's a joy just being apart of a great bond.

 My best friend DiDi......now she's a crazy one, we have had some great times. We can talk for hours about everything or nothing at all, we can go out and have a good time or we cannot talk for days but when we do it's as if we just spoke minutes ago.  She has this IDGAF attitude sometimes and it's funny as crap....hey sometimes I wish I could have that same attitude, but I do know that she loves hard and I know that I am one of those people she loves. She is smart, tough and soft at the same time, but overall she has shown herself to be a good friend.

I have and know so many other women that I adore just as much. We may not talk often, we may not even see each other very often but I adore them all the same. Past and recent past coworkers, we have had great times, sharing personal stories and hurts, loves and loss’s, we’ve traveled together, partied together and had some great times. They have encouraged me and pushed me forward towards my dreams. These are the women that have touched my life….thank you.

 For my FB friends, you have added so much to my life by how you live yours. Katasha aka Kae Bee I love how you travel the world, loving life while handling your business. Traci Gibson, Leslie and Gina I love how you push your daughters to excellence all while teaching them to be ladies with class and morals. Latifah I love how you're not afraid to love......over and over again. That's a beautiful thing.

To Tonya you have made sure that your son Justin is not a product of the system. You as well as your husband and family have been there for him 100%, pushing him to excellence and making sure that he succeeds. A mothers love, there is none like it. Lisa aka Lil momma....I love how you love your adult children, they will always be your babies. No matter how old they get, no one and nothing can come between that.

 There are so many ladies that I think the world of (aunts, nieces, cousins, longtime friends, new friends), that have made and indelible impression on my life....big or small. Ladies that have Encourage and Empowered me, told me I can do anything and you will have my back when I do.  Thank you ladies for being a part of my life, you make me want to be better, you make me want to continue to be the best me. And while being the best me I will Encourage and Empower others to be their best selves.

 

Goodbye 2014

As 2014 nears the end I sit back and reflect on all everything that happen. There were some good and definitely some bad. We've had unjustified murders of black men and people of color by law enforcement. In terms of politics, President Obama has done a great job even in opposition of a house that refuses to work with him on almost anything. When unemployment was up, and the stock market was down and gas was nearly $4.00 they blamed POTUS. Now that unemployment is down, the stock market up and gas is under $2.00 you don't hear a peep from the opposition.

On a more personal note I was laid off of a job I had been at quite a while, I enjoyed it but I guess the Lord had another direction for me. My husband and I have gotten closer than ever and I couldn't be more happy about that. I also believe I have found my purpose, sometimes it even takes 42 years.......even though I had all the pieces to the puzzle I am just now putting them altogether and I am ever so grateful for that.

As I enter into 2015 in less than six hours I want to enter into it with purpose in my heart and mind. I want to know that I have what it takes to affect change in the lives of others in a positive way, in a way that will make a significant difference in young girls and women lives. My goal is to eliminate negative energy and foolishness, things and people that don't add value and purpose to my life. My goal is to be the best wife to my husband Chip Cooke as I can possibly be. I want to become more spiritually aware and work on my mind, body and soul. My goal in 2015 is to be the best ME possible. I am looking forward to nurturing great friendships, business relationships and adding value to everything and everyone that I come into contact with.

I am thankful for everything that 2014 has offered but I am eagerly awaiting on 2015 to make my mark on this world.

So long 2014.........

My Purpose

My Purpose Is to..........

Love
Mentor
Lead
Teach
Empower
Inspire

These are just a few of the characteristics' needed to change the climate of these dangerous times for people of color. I am ready to take up the charge and do my part in applying the above characteristics' to change the tone of injustice and inequality around me and my community. I know that I am not the only one that feels this way, so I implore those that feel as I do to help unite the people so we can get busy making changes.

We CANNOT, I repeat CANNOT continue down the path set forth. It's time for all the shucking and jiving to stop, it's time for us to stop going about our day as if it's any other day. We are in a time that is requiring all of us to set our differences aside, UNITE and work together for the betterment of our race or we'll be going backwards and will be there in no time.

We have got to get it together people before it's too late, what are we waiting for? They are killing our boys and men at alarming rates with no consequences. What will it take for us to put down the misogynistic music, turn off the destructive images that are forming the minds of our young and old adults. It is not a coincidence that every other channel has images of black and brown people acting a fool, degrading themselves, men degrading women. It's not just entertainment, it's planned and we have fell for the trick.

We are smarter than this, we are an intelligent people. Let's start acting like it.

John Legends op-ed, Billboard magazine

Below is the op-ed John Legend wrote for Billboard magazine where he breaks down the effects of structural racism, the wealth gap, voting restrictions and the criminal justice system. Very well written and something that needed to be said by a celebrity/entertainer

When Common and I wrote the song "Glory" for the stunning new film Selma, we drew inspiration from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and his contemporaries who strived and sacrificed to achieve racial equality in the face of seemingly hopeless odds. As I watched the final version of Selma, I did so with the backdrop of the streets of many of our major cities filled with protesters, crying out for justice after yet another unarmed black person's life was taken by the police with impunity. After the events of the past few weeks, in Ferguson, Mo.; Staten Island; Phoenix; and Cleveland, things feel eerily the same. While it is important to recognize and acknowledge racial progress through the years, it is also clear that we are far from King's dream of equality and justice for all.

Slavery ended 150 years ago. The most egregious elements of Jim Crow were deemed illegal 50 years ago. But the problems of structural racism are old and ongoing. We still have a huge wealth gap rooted in decades of job, wage and housing discrimination. Voting restrictions that disproportionately affect the poor, minorities and youth are in place and growing. A persistent gap between black and white student achievement points to an education system that fails to provide a ladder of opportunity for everyone. African-American communities are being crushed by a criminal justice system that over-polices us, over-arrests us, over-incarcerates us and disproportionately takes the lives of our unarmed youth because of the simple fact that our skin, our blackness, conjures the myth of a hyper-violent negro.

I did an album with The Roots in 2010 called Wake Up! We wanted to use music to encourage young people who were politicized by the election of President Barack Obama to continue mobilizing. We covered songs from the 1960s and '70s by artists like Nina Simone and Curtis Mayfield as inspiration and a blueprint. They marched. They wrote songs. They met with political leaders. They provided financial support. They risked arrest.

Today, I am part of a generation of artists who benefit from unprecedented access to our fans. Tools like Twitter and Facebook act as a megaphone, allowing us to speak directly and powerfully to millions of people. Yet our actions, or lack thereof, speak louder: 140 characters cannot excuse us of our obligation to stand up, sit in or march forward.

Obama recently told the young activists gathered in the Oval Office to "think big, but go gradual." His words reminded me of President Lyndon B. Johnson's reluctance to tackle voting rights, as depicted in Selma. Despite Johnson's qualms, civil rights activists refused to wait for a more convenient political time. They took to the streets and used grass-roots organization and the moral force of their argument to create better conditions so the legislation could pass. We can’t wait for gradual and incremental change. Our government is a democracy, by the people and for the people. It is time for the people to wake up, stand up and demand change.

What are your thoughts?