Teens and Promiscuity

June 24, 2016

Why are our girls promiscuous? Is this a behavior that they’ve chosen or was this risky behavior thrust on them through unfortunate circumstances?
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, 36.9 percent of 14-year-olds have had sex - more than one out of three.

Other studies show that one out of every three girls has had sex by age 16, and two of three boys have had sex by age 18.

How and why did their risky sexual start?

Do they have parents involved in their lives? Our their fathers involved……because as we all know fathers are the first relationship a girl has with the opposite sex; that relationship or lack thereof usually determines what type of man a girl will choose. Have they been molested or raped in their young lives then went on to suffer from depression or anxiety; If so did they also turn to alcohol and drug use to dull the pain?

The above behaviors are reminiscent of a hurt girl acting out looking for attention in all the wrong places.

I often hear people bashing these young girls because of their behavior but I wonder have they also considered what has happen to these girls to lead them down this road of promiscuity. I find that we judge way too often as if this couldn’t have happen to us. And if we do a little retrospective thinking we would find that we have had some of the same issues that these girls are having but through the grace of God we were able to take a different path.

I have found through talking with other women that we all have suffered some unfortunate event in our lives that has led to some risky behavior in our past. Some rape, some molestation, peer pressure and even seeking attention due to we weren’t getting it at home………whether that be because our parents were too busy for us or not having a male figure in the home to show us how we’re supposed to be treated by the opposite sex. Whatever the case, we all have been there.

Instead of judging our teens we need to reassure them that they are not alone and there is a better way to cope with whatever issue that they’re going through that is leading them down this destructive and dangerous road.

Outside of one of the biggest misconception that sex equals love, other huge risks are unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and low self-esteem. While most teens are aware of the risk of pregnancy, few understand that that many STD’s today have no treatment i.e herpes and HIV. Viruses such as HPV (human papilloma virus) and HIV can be transmitted sexually and cause problems including cervical cancer and AIDS.

It’s time for us to stop judging and start giving our girls the tools and information they need to cope with life and make better decisions regarding their personal health. We cannot continue to have broken girls grow to be broken women. We have to break the cycle of family secrets which make girls afraid to speak out about rape and molestation by the hands of fathers, uncles and cousins.

We have to show our girls that we are open and willing to listen with a sincere heart and understanding when they want to come to us and talk freely about what they are going through doing these critical times of their life.

We have got to do better……..and we will.

Teens and Safe Sex

June 15, 2016

It would be naïve of us to think that our teens are not engaged in sexual intercourse.
The definition of safe sex is: having sexual contact while protecting yourself and your sexual partner against sexually transmissible diseases (STDs) and unplanned pregnancy. Sexual contact that doesn’t involve the exchange of semen, vaginal fluids or blood between partners is considered to be safe sex.

While we wish that our teens would wait until married to have sex, that is not realistic. So in order to keep them safe from STD's and unwanted pregnancies we need to give them the necessary tools to make good decisions regarding sex.

If safe sex is not practiced, teens need to know that they can be at risk to get one of the following STD's: chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV or hepatitis B, or may result in an unplanned pregnancy.
Condoms offer the best available protection against STDs by acting as a physical barrier to prevent the exchange of semen, vaginal fluids or blood between partners. Safe sex is also called ‘safer sex’ to highlight the fact that condoms and other barrier methods are not 100% effective in preventing STDs.

However, condoms do offer the best available protection when used correctly.

It is also important to inform our teens that condoms aren't 100% effective; even when used correctly.

Here are some things to keep in mind when talking to your teen about safe sex and condom use.

• Sex using a condom may still spread an infection if the condom does not fully cover the infected area. For example, some infections such as pubic lice, scabies, the genital wart virus and the herpes virus are spread by close skin-to-skin contact. Condoms provide some protection against these STDs, but not full protection.
• A condom may break, particularly if it has not been stored properly or the right lubricant has not been used. This is why you should always use water-based lubricant. Oil-based lubricants are associated with condom breakage and should not be used. Do not expose a condom to prolonged heat. Don’t use a condom that is past its use-by date. Don’t try to re-apply a used condom – they are designed for one use only.

Please have this conversation with your teens. Regardless how hard it may be it could save their life.

Teen Dating Violence

June 6, 2016

Teen Dating Violence is defined as the physical, sexual, psychological, or emotional violence within a dating relationship, including stalking. It can occur in person or electronically and might occur between a current or former dating partner.

Dating violence is widespread with serious long-term and short-term effects. Many teens do not report it because they are afraid to tell friends and family. A 2011 CDC nationwide survey found that 23% o...f females and 14% of males who ever experienced rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner, first experienced some form of partner violence between 11 and 17 years of age. A 2013 survey found approximately 10% of high school students reported physical victimization and 10% reported sexual victimization from a dating partner in the 12 months before they were surveyed.

Consequences of dating violence: As teens develop emotionally, they are heavily influenced by experiences in their relationships. Healthy relationship behaviors can have a positive effect on a teen’s emotional development. Unhealthy, abusive, or violent relationships can have severe consequences and short- and long-term negative effects on a developing teen.

Why does dating violence happen?

Communicating with your partner, managing uncomfortable emotions like anger and jealousy, and treating others with respect are a few ways to keep relationships healthy and nonviolent. Teens receive messages about how to behave in relationships from peers, adults in their lives, and the media. All too often these examples suggest that violence in a relationship is normal, but violence is never acceptable. There are reasons why violence occurs.

Violence is related to certain risk factors. Risks of having unhealthy relationships increase for teens who —
•Believe that dating violence is acceptable
•Are depressed, anxious, or have other symptoms of trauma
•Display aggression towards peers or display other aggressive behaviors
•Use drugs or illegal substances
•Engage in early sexual activity and have multiple sexual partners
•Have a friend involved in dating violence
•Have conflicts with a partner
•Witness or experience violence in the home
Dating violence can be prevented when teens, families, organizations, and communities work together to implement effective prevention strategies

Bullying

May 26, 2016

Just wanted to have a brief conversation this morning on the topic of bullying. It used to be that boys were the face of bullying, not any more. Girls have taken on the role of bullying and it seems that it can be much worse. I was speaking to a lady just the other day and she shared with me that her daughter, who is in first grade is currently experiencing bullying among her peers. First grade.....they are starting way to young and we as a village need to step in.

In fact, girls can be just as ruthless especially when it comes to the type of bullying that is not as physical. Types of bullying like cyberbullying are often spearheaded by teen girls placing an attack on their peers verbally. However, harsh words, lies and rumors can be just as devastating to a child or teen as being physically attacked. Additional types of bullying may include physical bulling and hazing, cyber and verbal bullying as well as social alienation.

We have learned that bullying can be very serious. It can lead to depression and even suicide
Statistics show that one in four kids in the U.S. are bullied on a regular basis in school. In 2010 it was revealed that 160,000 kids miss school everyday for fear of being bullied. It is also stated that cyberbullying is on the rise and not decreasing anytime soon. Bullies are also targeting specific demographics such as homosexuals. Gay bullying statistics are often a huge contributing factor to the number of bullying incidents daily.

So as a community what are we going to do about this unfortunate trend? What are the conversations we should be having with our children if they are getting bullied or if they are the ones bullying? What more can the schools and authorities do to cut down on bullying? These are the questions that needs answers.