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What happen to our Black Wall Street mentality (Tulsa Oklahoma 1921)? What happen to our Rosewood (Central Florida 1923) way of thinking? What happen to the African American community depending on one another for survival? What happen to us knowing that if we stand with our fellow brother and sister we can defeat all the opposition that comes our way?

At what point will we realize that it will take us unifying and pooling our resources and money together to be a force to be reckoned with. The time for the individualistic way of thinking is over; it has proved detrimental to our race. There is POWER in numbers, we have done it before and we can do it again.

Since the murder of Trayvon Martin (Feb. 2012)…….and I’ll go as far back as the murder of Sean Bell (Nov. 2006) the African American man has been under attack; and I would dare to ask when did the African American man stop being under attack? We have marched, we have so called ourselves boycotting and we have rant and raved on social media and there has been no change. Matter of fact it seems to have gotten worse. Police are killing our men, women and children with impunity and it will continue to happen unless we, African Americans put our money where our month is and come together. We can complain all we want, the system is not hearing us but they will hear us when we stop depending on them, when we stop begging for jobs, when we stop being selfish with one another……you know that whole crabs in a barrel mentality (urban dictionary definition: A syndrome where a group of like situated people hurt those in their community attempting to get ahead. Often this is applied to people in an impoverished community where one person is starting to get ahead. The collective community becomes jealous or filled with a sense of self-loathing, so they find a way to pull that person back down to the community's level).

When we become a threat to the establishment then and only then will we be heard, that’s when we’ll be taken seriously.

We have proven that we are capable of building a nation, our ancestors proved that. We have built communities and they have been successful and they prospered. What is keeping us from doing it again? Are we that jealous of our brothers and sisters that we can’t come together to defeat the system that is trying to destroy us? Do we not trust our brother to do the right thing? Have we gotten so full of ourselves with our six figure jobs, our degrees and our place at the upper management table that we have forgotten that we aren’t really a threat? Sure we take home our nice salaries, we have beautiful homes and cars and some of us our entrepreneurs, but are we assisting our fellow brother in getting up that ladder as well? Regardless of the gap in social or economic standing, because as we all know you give a black person $5 and they think they’ve arrived, looking down on others that don’t have as much or don’t look a certain way, but I digress on that one. These are questions that I would love answers too……because sadly if we don’t take action like RIGHT NOW, we will cease to exist in the next 50 or so years.

It is pass time for us to put down our thinking that we can do it all by ourselves and start coming together to build up our communities. So that we can have a seat at the table, a voice in what happens to us, to what happens in our community. Otherwise we will continue to be the second class citizen that’s content with what we’re given and content with the treatment that we’ve been shown.  

We are better than that, we deserve better and it’s time for us to act like it.

Teens and Promiscuity

June 24, 2016

Why are our girls promiscuous? Is this a behavior that they’ve chosen or was this risky behavior thrust on them through unfortunate circumstances?
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, 36.9 percent of 14-year-olds have had sex - more than one out of three.

Other studies show that one out of every three girls has had sex by age 16, and two of three boys have had sex by age 18.

How and why did their risky sexual start?

Do they have parents involved in their lives? Our their fathers involved……because as we all know fathers are the first relationship a girl has with the opposite sex; that relationship or lack thereof usually determines what type of man a girl will choose. Have they been molested or raped in their young lives then went on to suffer from depression or anxiety; If so did they also turn to alcohol and drug use to dull the pain?

The above behaviors are reminiscent of a hurt girl acting out looking for attention in all the wrong places.

I often hear people bashing these young girls because of their behavior but I wonder have they also considered what has happen to these girls to lead them down this road of promiscuity. I find that we judge way too often as if this couldn’t have happen to us. And if we do a little retrospective thinking we would find that we have had some of the same issues that these girls are having but through the grace of God we were able to take a different path.

I have found through talking with other women that we all have suffered some unfortunate event in our lives that has led to some risky behavior in our past. Some rape, some molestation, peer pressure and even seeking attention due to we weren’t getting it at home………whether that be because our parents were too busy for us or not having a male figure in the home to show us how we’re supposed to be treated by the opposite sex. Whatever the case, we all have been there.

Instead of judging our teens we need to reassure them that they are not alone and there is a better way to cope with whatever issue that they’re going through that is leading them down this destructive and dangerous road.

Outside of one of the biggest misconception that sex equals love, other huge risks are unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and low self-esteem. While most teens are aware of the risk of pregnancy, few understand that that many STD’s today have no treatment i.e herpes and HIV. Viruses such as HPV (human papilloma virus) and HIV can be transmitted sexually and cause problems including cervical cancer and AIDS.

It’s time for us to stop judging and start giving our girls the tools and information they need to cope with life and make better decisions regarding their personal health. We cannot continue to have broken girls grow to be broken women. We have to break the cycle of family secrets which make girls afraid to speak out about rape and molestation by the hands of fathers, uncles and cousins.

We have to show our girls that we are open and willing to listen with a sincere heart and understanding when they want to come to us and talk freely about what they are going through doing these critical times of their life.

We have got to do better……..and we will.

Teens and Safe Sex

June 15, 2016

It would be naïve of us to think that our teens are not engaged in sexual intercourse.
The definition of safe sex is: having sexual contact while protecting yourself and your sexual partner against sexually transmissible diseases (STDs) and unplanned pregnancy. Sexual contact that doesn’t involve the exchange of semen, vaginal fluids or blood between partners is considered to be safe sex.

While we wish that our teens would wait until married to have sex, that is not realistic. So in order to keep them safe from STD's and unwanted pregnancies we need to give them the necessary tools to make good decisions regarding sex.

If safe sex is not practiced, teens need to know that they can be at risk to get one of the following STD's: chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV or hepatitis B, or may result in an unplanned pregnancy.
Condoms offer the best available protection against STDs by acting as a physical barrier to prevent the exchange of semen, vaginal fluids or blood between partners. Safe sex is also called ‘safer sex’ to highlight the fact that condoms and other barrier methods are not 100% effective in preventing STDs.

However, condoms do offer the best available protection when used correctly.

It is also important to inform our teens that condoms aren't 100% effective; even when used correctly.

Here are some things to keep in mind when talking to your teen about safe sex and condom use.

• Sex using a condom may still spread an infection if the condom does not fully cover the infected area. For example, some infections such as pubic lice, scabies, the genital wart virus and the herpes virus are spread by close skin-to-skin contact. Condoms provide some protection against these STDs, but not full protection.
• A condom may break, particularly if it has not been stored properly or the right lubricant has not been used. This is why you should always use water-based lubricant. Oil-based lubricants are associated with condom breakage and should not be used. Do not expose a condom to prolonged heat. Don’t use a condom that is past its use-by date. Don’t try to re-apply a used condom – they are designed for one use only.

Please have this conversation with your teens. Regardless how hard it may be it could save their life.

Teen Dating Violence

June 6, 2016

Teen Dating Violence is defined as the physical, sexual, psychological, or emotional violence within a dating relationship, including stalking. It can occur in person or electronically and might occur between a current or former dating partner.

Dating violence is widespread with serious long-term and short-term effects. Many teens do not report it because they are afraid to tell friends and family. A 2011 CDC nationwide survey found that 23% o...f females and 14% of males who ever experienced rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner, first experienced some form of partner violence between 11 and 17 years of age. A 2013 survey found approximately 10% of high school students reported physical victimization and 10% reported sexual victimization from a dating partner in the 12 months before they were surveyed.

Consequences of dating violence: As teens develop emotionally, they are heavily influenced by experiences in their relationships. Healthy relationship behaviors can have a positive effect on a teen’s emotional development. Unhealthy, abusive, or violent relationships can have severe consequences and short- and long-term negative effects on a developing teen.

Why does dating violence happen?

Communicating with your partner, managing uncomfortable emotions like anger and jealousy, and treating others with respect are a few ways to keep relationships healthy and nonviolent. Teens receive messages about how to behave in relationships from peers, adults in their lives, and the media. All too often these examples suggest that violence in a relationship is normal, but violence is never acceptable. There are reasons why violence occurs.

Violence is related to certain risk factors. Risks of having unhealthy relationships increase for teens who —
•Believe that dating violence is acceptable
•Are depressed, anxious, or have other symptoms of trauma
•Display aggression towards peers or display other aggressive behaviors
•Use drugs or illegal substances
•Engage in early sexual activity and have multiple sexual partners
•Have a friend involved in dating violence
•Have conflicts with a partner
•Witness or experience violence in the home
Dating violence can be prevented when teens, families, organizations, and communities work together to implement effective prevention strategies

Bullying

May 26, 2016

Just wanted to have a brief conversation this morning on the topic of bullying. It used to be that boys were the face of bullying, not any more. Girls have taken on the role of bullying and it seems that it can be much worse. I was speaking to a lady just the other day and she shared with me that her daughter, who is in first grade is currently experiencing bullying among her peers. First grade.....they are starting way to young and we as a village need to step in.

In fact, girls can be just as ruthless especially when it comes to the type of bullying that is not as physical. Types of bullying like cyberbullying are often spearheaded by teen girls placing an attack on their peers verbally. However, harsh words, lies and rumors can be just as devastating to a child or teen as being physically attacked. Additional types of bullying may include physical bulling and hazing, cyber and verbal bullying as well as social alienation.

We have learned that bullying can be very serious. It can lead to depression and even suicide
Statistics show that one in four kids in the U.S. are bullied on a regular basis in school. In 2010 it was revealed that 160,000 kids miss school everyday for fear of being bullied. It is also stated that cyberbullying is on the rise and not decreasing anytime soon. Bullies are also targeting specific demographics such as homosexuals. Gay bullying statistics are often a huge contributing factor to the number of bullying incidents daily.

So as a community what are we going to do about this unfortunate trend? What are the conversations we should be having with our children if they are getting bullied or if they are the ones bullying? What more can the schools and authorities do to cut down on bullying? These are the questions that needs answers.

Issues Affecting Teen Girls

Issues that Affect Teen Girls

 

There are 10 common issues that affect teen girls everyday lives, they are:

·         Appearance

·         Education

·         Dating/Sex

·         Self Esteem

·         Peer Pressure

·         Bullying

·         Friendship

·         Drug and Alcohol use

·         Depression

·         Menstruation

In today’s Blog I’ll address a few of these issues that I feel are taking center stage in the lives of our teen girls.

Young girls today are under immense pressure to be ALL THAT. To be the prettiest, to have all the boys liking them, to have the longest hair, the best body and getting the most likes on social media. Between social media, reality shows and images they see of models in magazines no wonder they have issues navigating through their teenage years. Listed above are 10 common issues that teen girls face, I will speak on a few of them that I deem super important.

Appearance has a huge impact on how teen girls look at themselves. They see their favorite pop artist or reality TV star and they want to look just like them. From the long hair (often times it’s weave or wigs), big butts, tight fitting clothes, too much makeup and don’t forget the fake eyelashes. They feel they have to look like them in order to be popular or be liked by boys. This plays a huge role in their Self-Esteem which can be damaged trying to live up to this standard or it could help them explore and try different looks that will help shape their outer image. Now don’t get me wrong, wearing weave and makeup and wanting to look your best is absolutely fine, it’s when too much emphasis is put on this area and it affects other areas in her life negatively i.e unwanted attention by the opposite sex, focus taken off grades and her future as well as friends.

Dating/Sex is another common issue that young teens face. At this crucial stage in their life their hormones are raging and they are coming into their womanhood. Boys that once got on their nerves are now growing up to be somewhat attractive to them. They also look at their favorite teen celebrities like Kylie Jenner and Selena Gomez and see that they are dating and dating older men and they feel as if they can do it as well. At this stage in their lives parents like me would rather our teen girls concentrate on their education, building solid friendships and looking forward to their future; but Peer Pressure will have them emulating their friends and what they see on TV and in the magazines/tabloids. That’s why it is important that teens build solid healthy Friendships during this time, because peer pressure is so serious you want to make sure that your teen is hanging around girls that are respectful to their parent and themselves. Girls interested in getting good grades and participating in after school activities as well as activities outside of school to keep the busy and not focused on the wrong things.

Where dating gets scary for teens is that there is a rise in teen dating domestic violence which can lead to Depression, Drug and Alcohol abuse and teen pregnancy. Here are just a few important facts:

·         Roughly 1.5 million high school boys and girls in the U.S. admit to being intentionally hit or physically harmed in the last year by someone they are romantically involved with (Dating Abuse Statistics." www.loveisrespect.org). 

·         1 in 3 young people will be in an abusive or unhealthy relationship (Liz Claiborne Inc and The Family Fund. “Teen Dating Abuse 2009 Key Topline Findings.” http://nomore.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/teen_dating_abuse).

·         In the U.S., 25% of high school girls have been abused physically or sexually. Teen girls who are abused this way are 6 times more likely to become pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted infection (STI) (Decker M, Silverman J, Raj A. 2005. Dating Violence and Sexually Transmitted Disease/HIV Testing and Diagnosis Among Adolescent Females. Pediatrics. 116: 272-276).

·         Teens who suffer dating abuse are subject to long-term consequences like alcoholism, eating disorders, promiscuity, thoughts of suicide, and violent behavior (USA.gov. "Teen Dating Violence." Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Accessed April 22, 2014).

These are all scary stats and facts that our teen girls are facing while trying to find their way through their teen years. In facing these issues our girls will need healthy relationships with other girls, with female family members and mentors that can guide them through as well as be there when advice is needed. We will need to be there not to judge their actions but to help them make good decisions that will affect the rest of their lives.

We have to let them know that they are beautiful without the superficial additives that society says is needed to be popular, successful and loved. That they are beautiful just the way God made them, that their outer beauty is nice but inner beauty, morals and character are just as important if not more.  We have to teach them that they have to love themselves first, that they have to be a priority to themselves before they can be loved and respected by anyone else.

Lastly they need to know that the only opinion that matters is theirs because at the end of the day they have to look in the mirror and be happy with the person they see.

Sincerely from a woman that suffered from most of these issues.

 

Lost Girls

Recent conversation has been of Robert Kelly aka R Kelly on the Soul Train awards that aired last Sunday night. I didn’t get to see his performance but from what I gather he performed a medley of backyard, bar b que jams that had everyone on their feet reminiscing.

I read several Facebook post condemning the people that enjoyed his performance, calling him a pedophile (which he is), a pervert and pure scum. The posters stated that if we (people in general) like and jam to R Kelly’s music then we are cosigning his pedophilia behavior.

It was said that R Kelly had molested/sexually violated more than a dozen young girls ranging in age from 13-16 years old (now to be fair in writing this piece said girls did consent to sexual activity with R Kelly but due to they were not at a legal age to consent, their consent is null and void. Plus R Kelly should have known better due to he was the adult). He had relationships with these girls, some lasted 1-2 years some were just sexual hookups. Some of the parents of these girls knew about the relationships and some even took money and gifts for their silence in the matter. With all that being said R Kelly when brought up on charges of child pornography was acquitted of said charges on June 13, 2008.

In talking about this whole situation I would like to focus on the girls, the lost girls of this horrible ordeal. Outside of R Kelly being a celebrity, a grown man/adult celebrity what would make a 13, 14 or even 15 year old girl engage in sexual activity with him or any other grown adult male? It is said that children are most vulnerable to sexual abuse between the ages of 7-13 years. We also know that lack of attention at home can be a contributing factor in these young girls seeking the approval and adoration of boys and men. I also recognize that older boys and men tend to prey on young girls that have low self-esteem, girls that have issues at home and girls that don’t have loving fathers or men present in their life.

I read in various post regarding the victims of R Kelly that they were fast/promiscuous and that they knew what they were doing in dealing with R Kelly (him being a grown man) because they lied about their age. That very well may be true but the one thing that that statement is missing is that these young girls lack the emotional intelligence to know that they are being used, taken advantage of. They don’t understand that this so called relationship/sexual encounter is based on a quid pro quo, you do something for me, sex and I’ll do something for you, in the R Kelly case it consisted of buying tennis shoes, giving them money and spending time with him.

We teach our young girls that sex before marriage is bad, a sin. We teach them that their worth is not in their body but in their brains but yet in still they continue to find their worth in the attention of the opposite sex. It’s not enough that mothers, aunts and family tells these girls to wait, don’t be so quick to grow up, enjoy your adolescence. Now days love ones have to compete with peer pressure, the likes of reality TV where most of the women are dressed provocatively, heads full of weave, fake inflated behinds and the women fighting over men. That’s what we as loving parents and family members have to compete with when trying to raise and nurture confident, self-loving young girls.  I believe we have to get back to the village mentality when it comes to raising our children. We need more mentors for our young girls, whether they are in our click of women that we associate with, our sorority or whatever the case may be. It is imperative that we snatch up a young woman that we see in need and rescue her from the ills that society and lack of love and attention has dealt her. We have to put these girls on the right path and show them that they are so much than sex, they are valuable and they are worth loving.

I speak so passionately about this subject because I was once a lost girl and I am thankful that there were women that didn’t give up on me and decided that I was worth saving.